Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
