You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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