like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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