He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
