I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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