Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
