i permit you to call me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
