I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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