SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
