First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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