I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
