Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
