I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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