my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
