I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
