I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
