On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
