You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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