no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
