no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Houston, we have a squirter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
