Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
