We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
