Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
