I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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