well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As shirtless as possible
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
