The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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