my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
