we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
