"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
