At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
