Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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