Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
