well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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