If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
