I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Alive.
So much puke
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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