My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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