Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
