Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
