hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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