I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
