Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Enjoy the penises
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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