i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
