so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
