remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
