considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
