Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
