I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
