She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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