he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
