WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
