Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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